i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
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