this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
