Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
