im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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