I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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