the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
