I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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