I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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