I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
