but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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