went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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