Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
