It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
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