Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Will exercising make me less horny?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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