so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
