Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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