It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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