Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
