you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
