Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
