you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Farmville is her only friend.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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