Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
