Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
