We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
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