oh god the rape fog is back!
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
