Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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