OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
