Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
