You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
