it's too hot outside to masturbate.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
