saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
