i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
The adults are the big ones right?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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