Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I smell like Dick and happiness
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
