all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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