just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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