i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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