you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
