After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
