I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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