Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
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