You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
