Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
