If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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