I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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