Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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