1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
