I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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