Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
