he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
