you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
