I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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