is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
