the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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