I need help removing her.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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