I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
