That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I want her autograph on my taint
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
