My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
