was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
