is your mom at the bar?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
