Swine flu is the new snow day.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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